Hi! I'm Andre a 27 year old married dad with 3 children - one of whom i inherited when i got with my Wife Jade some 9 years ago. I live a fairly well off life and don't have any worries - or so i keep telling myself. I suffer from depression and have decided to write this blog to hopefully help you out there who are in a similar situation to me - or indeed those who are trying to support someone like me. My views wont be sugar coated and may be very blunt at times. but hey this is my blog and if you don't like it you can always leave right?
I cant really remember when I got depression or when it became depression. I can however remember the first time i tried (poorly) to commit suicide. I was in year 7 at middle school and had been dealing with bullies for a long time.
I'm fairly clever and taller than your average Joe. I had been kicked, hit, spat at and one time some "hard kid" had got me on the floor and kicked me whilst i was down int he middle of the playground - Thanks Sunny hall (even now some 18 years later I remember your name.)
On the day in question i cant remember the exact trigger or triggers but I remember after school walking into the toilets outside outside Mr Gills room locking myself in the right hand cubicle and removing the shoelace from my shoe and proceeding to tie it around my neck - then the stumbling block i couldn't possibly hang myself whilst holding the shoe lace. - This was what i now realise to be the first of many bizarre decisions in my life which in hindsight aren't the cleverest. but if you have depression or know someone with depression you will understand that this happens a lot at times.
I remember the head teacher, Mrs Knightley, taking me home and me running upstairs to my bedroom and crying for hours on end whilst she explained to my parents what had gone on. I still recall the shame and embarrassment now.
As the years went on I had many events which I cant fully detail, and would be too long to detail but I found myself in hospital several times for overdoes, got picked up by the police a few times including one from the rivers edge and was sectioned under the Mental Health Act by the time I was 16.
At school i was predicted to do very well and in year 6 ended up taking higher level S.A.T.S exams but due to my ongoing battle thereon with myself this was all to amount to a mediocre set of GCSE's the thing people refer to for the rest of your working life. a thing for me to hate myself for even more.
Over the coming days weeks and months you will be (un)lucky enough to get an insight into a range of incidents in my life, and there have been a few and how i deal - or not at times- with my situation...
Until then stay strong and stay safe.
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